Another Mother's Day and Father's Day Gone

I know, I know!  Why should I expect much.  After all, I discouraged giving gifts and celebrating holidays for so many years.  But, since I never see my kids any other time, I secretly hope.  Secretly I hope we can magically forget the past, forget the hurts, forget the dis-connects what ever they are, and have some sort of special time together.  And on these days, when everyone else is getting cards, letters, phone calls, visits, love... I just go on hoping in a secret place in my heart for the same thing.  A friend of mine wrote this in on her blog and it rather hit home cuz I did the same thing with my mother:  "She's been gone several years now, and I'm still realizing how foolishly hard I tried to win her love. And I think, in her own way, she felt the same way towards me.  We just never connected.  We never understood each other.

I'm glad the bonds with my children are made of something different, something very real and true.  When we're together, all is right with the world." (teri, XO)

I love to be with my kids, and their kids.  But, there is always an undercurrent of mis trust and dislike that I can't seem to remove.  It makes me very sad.  I feel very much like a failure as a Mom.  What happened, I wonder?  Trust is not there.  How Sad!